Forgiveness-How to Forgive and Forget When You Have an Elephant Memory
We may use the word love a bit too loosely whether this involves a specific career choice we make or someone we are dating. However, come to think of it when we actually love somebody or something, unconditionally, we make a conscious effort to do certain things for them. After all, actions speak louder than words. Yet when something goes wrong, the love disappears. The reason being we haven’t mastered the ability to forgive.
Is forgiveness really that difficult?
We struggle to reconcile mainly because we fail to see the reality of how we see and perceive other people. Understanding that we are all human and are bound to make flaws and that they come out at the wrong time and mess up a situation is first.
Love has no conditions but does forgiveness have conditions?
We’ve all been hurt in relationships or by things not going according to our plan. When you drop a condition on somebody when you forgive them however you are restricting the person’s most likely response to a particular situation. Now the person has a condition and every condition has a consequence.
This isn’t really how it works as when you truly forgive somebody, you aren’t just doing it because you are a bigger person. It isn’t keeping the fact in mind that eventually, karma is going to catch up with them so you forgive them and let karma do the rest. True forgiveness is like a sorry you never receive.
It’s all about letting go of a situation
Moving on whether in a business or personal relationship means letting go. You don’t always get closure but you know when you do so and you do it for the person who hurt you, you both are in a better place, emotionally and spiritually.
When things go so sour, like they sometimes will, whether it is a job loss, relationship loss or whether someone has betrayed your trust, focus your attention elsewhere rather than stressing and overthinking about a situation. Doing this helps you grow.
Forgiving but not forgetting
When you have an elephant memory, you may forgive but you don’t necessarily forget. This can manifest in different consequences. When dealing with loss, whether it is a job you love or a relationship, you first go into denial. The next stage is anger, followed by grief and depression where you recognize you miss that person or job. If you don’t forgive and rather hold grudges, you are stuck in the rut. Acceptance is a small quiet room but it is an important thing.
Know that these things happen. Moreover, know your self-worth. Holding grudges won’t help you live up to your potential in the next job or give your all in the next relationship. Process things in the way you understand how to; after all, nothing thrives if you do not learn to forgive.
Understand the perspective of another
When you understand another person’s perspective, you begin to comprehend the misunderstandings that crop up. Without it, you cannot start your own healing process. Feel the anger, resentment, and hatred and then work on how you can sort it out.
When it comes to anger, it’s all about context. Anger, where you self-reflect, is important. This gets you out of the condition you are in and helps you fix yourself. sometimes realization and anger go hand in hand.
Look at the bigger picture
Your problem is nothing in the greater scheme of things. The cost of not exercising forgiving behavior can be devastating. Take conflicting world leaders for instance. Forgiveness is a conscious decision to release feelings of resentment, anger, and hatred when someone has harmed you whether they deserve it or not.
Look at the future
Your past doesn’t need you, your future does. It’s important if you want to move forward and work towards your healing in the process.